Starting over again!
Starting over again! Those words have been uttered by me so many times. I mean seriously, how many times do we have to start over, and then start over again! It is one thing when you are working on an art project and have to start over or even working on a post, report, whatever. But when it is your life?!?!?!? At 42 years old I never thought I would even be in the position that I am in. Much less digging myself out of a hole, financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. If you can put -ly at the end of it I am working my way through the worst of it.
If you have read this far thanks for putting up with my whine, reward yourself with some cheese and then get a few more slices because I have a lot more. Lets face it in my family you cannot say how you really feel. EVER! No really and if you do you get shouted down and told how lucky you have it because they have it so much worse and how they have done everything for you. Well in that case that must be why I am so miserable. Thanks for the misery.
So what is the point of this blog, or well this post in general? Well lets just face it I NEED THERAPY! No seriously I do however I cannot afford it. I work for a company that has kept me on their temp payroll for almost 3 years now. So that means no paid holidays, no paid vacation, no insurance NOTHING!!! Imagine working somewhere and watching all of the other people that work there get 2 weeks vacation every year, and for the three years you have been there, the whole time being told, “Oh we are gonna make you permanent so you can have benefits, eventually. We just have to do (fill in some bullshit reason) first.” Well it has been three years you and you have not figured that shit out yet? (FYI if your eyes are sensitive then you should not read my blog) So then if you take some time off for being sick, family, or just you need a break, you then spend that time off stressing over the fact that your paycheck is going to be much smaller and you may not be able to pay your bills. So instead you continue going to work, but then while you are at work you thing gees I need a vacation! ITS A VICIOUS AND ENDLESS CYCLE!
Oh but the job is not all of the reason I need therapy. NOOOOOOOO!!!! My sister has failed miserably at raising her child, and has dumped her 21 year old grown ass baby off on me and my mother! Yes this child is 21 years old works part time, barely applies herself to her education, has no social skills, does not clean up after herself, wont help around the house in anyway, spends hours online playing games, and is beyond disrespectful to me! At this point you all are probably thinking OK lady where is this going, and why are you not trying to encourage your niece to be a better person. Folks, I have been there, done that, and all I got was shit attitude, smart ass remarks, and less than half ass effort, and have been completely embarrassed by her in public just so I will not make her do it again. After attempting this for years and then realizing, oh yeah I am not her parent, I decided to let her parents deal with her. They did not obviously and both have conveniently moved far enough away that returning her to them is impossible. The old phrase you can lead a horse to water comes to mind.
I see it now….. I need to move.
But where to go…..
My brother just moved to Kentucky and says I would love it there. Very seriously considering it. One problem, well a couple actually. First, if I leave my elderly and declining mother (she 75) with my niece she will likely end up dead in a year, because my lazy niece will let her lay on the floor with a broken bone while she plays on her XBox for hours, if she were to fall or something. Sorry folks no lifeline monitor thing because she refuses to get one. Then I have rescue animals. Like 11 of them. I know that is a lot, and no I will not just find them new homes, that is why they are rescues to begin with. People just dumped them and they found their way to me, received medical attention, spay and neuter, love and a home. I become physically ill thinking about if something happened to them should I were to give them a new home. My first job when I was 17 was for a no kill shelter and I saw some crazy shit, cats poisoned, shot with buckshot, tortured, and neglected. That is why I have NO faith in other people when it comes to the four legged babies that I have invested my time, and love into.
So for now I have this. A blog. To write out my rants and raves, my wins and losses, and to hopefully extol on you all the story of my currently shitty life. Over the next year I intend on using this as a sounding board to see how I grow, change, and in essence start my life anew. To write out my plans, and how I execute them and show my results. Maybe if someone reads this they can relate and learn from it, or maybe they can at least feel better about their own life and think, “Thank God I am not as pathetic as this crazy bitch!” Maybe it will make you laugh, maybe it will make you cry, or even make you mad. Any reaction is a good one in my book at least I got one from you. Do I have a goal? Yes. A well defined one? No. Should I? I do not know.
So come with me on an a very interesting journey (to be honest I will likely bore you to death) so you can have a few chuckles at my little world and maybe make yourself feel not so bad about yours.